By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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