Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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