You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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