When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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