Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
