Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
