im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
