The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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