You smell like stripper and shame
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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