boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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