I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have aggressive nipples.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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