batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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