And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
