I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
