It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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