WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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