My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
