Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
