So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
