everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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