last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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