I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
