gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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