you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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