Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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