His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My vagina just clenched in fear
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