ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
