he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
