somebody snuck up and got me drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
