I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
