Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
BRING THE BAGELS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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