Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In other news, I just burned my penis
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize