It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
