Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
