Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize