I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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