So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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