I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
