Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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