is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
