overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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