Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
