Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
