he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
