it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
