before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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