omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
