her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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