have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
