you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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