It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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