Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cockslap morals
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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