If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
