I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
