Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
