I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
