3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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