mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
